THE 


Spectre  Bridegroom; 

OR,  A 

GHOST  IN  SPITE  OF  HIMSELF. 

A  FARCE. 
IN  TWO  ACTS. 


Founded  on  a  story  of  the  same  name, 
in  the  Sketch  Book. 

BY  W.  T.  MONCRIEFF,  ESQ. 
Author  of  Giovvani  in  London,  &x.  &c.  &c. 


What  ?  hatli  this  thing  appeared  again  ? 

SHAKESPEARE. 


[As  performed  at  the  New-York  Theatre  J 
— — 

NEW-YORK  . 
PUBLISHED  BY  E.  MURDEN, 

CIRCULATING  LIBRARY  AND   DRAMATIC  REPOSITORY; 

No.  4  Chamber-street. 
Dec.  1821. 


"DRAMATIS  PERSON^ 


Mr  Nicodemus, 
Squire  Aldwinkle,  - 
Captain  Vauntington, 
Dickory,  - 
Paul, 

Servants,  - 


New-York  Theatrr 
Mr.  Woodbull. 
Mr.  Reed. 
Mr.  Phillips. 
Mr.  Barnes. 
Mr.  Bancker. 
Messrs.  Went- kc, 


Mise  Georgiana  Aldwinkle. 
JLavtnla,  (her  Cousin 0 


Miss  Jones. 
Miss  Johnson. 


J^LEi.  LUNG,  JC5     rRIKTE  if, 

ho.  S4  F ront-streeL 


THE 

SPECTRE  BRIDEGROOM. 


ACT  I. 

SCENE. — An  apartment  in  Mr.  Nicodemus's 
House. 

Enter  Nicodemus  and  Servant. 
Nic.  My  cousin's  servant,  Paul,  enquiring  for 
me  !  what  can  he  possibly  want  with  roe  ?  Let 
him  come  in.  [Exit  Servant. 

It  must  certainly  be  some  business  of  life  and 
death  to  make  my  gay  thoughtless  cousin  send 
to  me,  for  though  every  one  allows  we  are  as 
lil§e  as  two  peas  in  person,  no  one  has  ever  dis- 
covered the  slightest  similarity  i-n  our  minds,  he 
has  none  of  ray  solidity,  none  of  my  depth  and 
gravity, — he's  all  volatility,  wild,  uncertain,— 
Hey,  oh  !  here  Paul  comes.  Well,  Paul,  what 
brings  you  here? 

Enter  Paul. 

Paul  (crying)  Gh,  sir,  such  a  relation  !  your 
poor  cousin  

Nic  Poor  cousin  ;  why  he  has'nt  surely  gam- 
bled away  all  his  estate?  on  a  cast  of  the  die  ? 

Pant.  Worse  than  that,  sir,  though  to  be  sure 
it  is  through  the  die  he  has  lost  every  thing.  Ah, 
sir,  when  I  look  at  you,  it  renews  all  my  grief, 
poor  gentleman^  I  fancy  I  see  him  still — oh, 
,     fcb!  {crying.)  ■ 


4  SMCTRE  (Moncri«ff. 

Nic.  What  mean  you,  explain,  good  Paul, 
what  horrible  event  are  you  going  to  relate  ? 

Paul.  My  poor  master,  sir — unfortunate  gen- 
tleman, he  was  just  going  to  sow  all  his  wild 
oats  in  a  marriage  with  the  young  and  beautiful 
Miss  Aid  winkle,  daughter  of  the  rich  Squire  Aid- 
winkle,  of  Aldwinkle  Hall — oh  !  oh  !  oh  ! 

Nic.  Well,  what  was  there  so  very  shocking 
in  that  ? 

Paul.  You  shall  hear,  sir ;  they  had  never 
seen  one  another,  but  my  master  had  sent  his 
portrait,  which  was  approved  of  both  by  the 
young  lady  and  her  father. 

Nic.  No  doubt,  if  he  remained  as  like  me  as 
he  used  to  be. 

Paul.  Very  true,  sir  ;  it  was  settled  that  my 
master  was  to  go  to  Aldwinkle  Hall  this  very 
evening,  that  the  ceremony  might  take  place 
out  of  hand. 

Nic.  Well,  and  why  didn't  he  go  

Paul.  He  did  go,  sir,  but  going  and  coming 
are  two  different  things ;  and  it  will  be  long 
enough  before  they  find  him  come  to  Aldwin- 
kle Hall— oh  !  oh  ! 

Nic.  Why? 

Paul.  A  slight  impediment,  sir — We  set  out 
the  first  thing  this  morning  on  our  way  there, 
but  had  scarcely  performed  a  third  part  of  the 
journey,  when  my  poor  master  fell  dowYi  in  an 
apoplectic  fit ! — oh    oh  ! 

Nic.  Unhappy  Gaspar !  but  what  could  he 
expect,  living  as  he  did. 

Paul.  He  expected  to  be  married,  sir,  and 
repent,  but  the  Fates  ordered  it  otherwise.  Atro- 
pos  came  with  her  damned  shears  and  cut  his 
vital  thread,  as  close  as  any  taylor  in  the  king- 


Act.  T.) 


BRIDEGROOM. 


dom  could  have  done.  Just  before  he  gave  his 
last  kick,  he  called  me  to  him,  and  squeezing 
my  hand,  exclaimed,  u  Paul,  my  dear  Paul,  as 
soon  as  its  all  over,  send  my  body  to  the  half- 
way-house, where  dinner  will  be  waiting  for  me; 
then  hasten  to  my  cousin,  Abraham,  (that's  you, 
sir)  bid  him  set  off  immediately  Ao  Aldwinkle 
Hall,  break  out  the  melancholy  news  to  the  Old 
Squire  and  my  dear  Georgiana,  return,  bury 
me  decently,  write  an  epitaph  to  my  memory, 
take  all  I'm  worth  for  his  pains,  and  I  shall  rest 
in  peace  ! — oh,  oh  ! 

Nic.  .Poor  fellow,  did  he  die  rich  ?  • 

Paul.  Pretty  well  for  that,  sir. 

Nic.  Then  his  wishes  shall  be  complied  with, 
I'll  lock  up  my  grand  treatise  on  Vampires,  has- 
ten to  Aldwinkle  Hall  this  very  moment,  and 
return  here  the  first  thing  to-morrow  morning, 
to  make  preparations  for  the  funeral.  Unhap- 
py Gaspar  !  he  was  the  last  of  the  Nicodemus 
family,  except  myself.  What  a  pity  he  was'nt 
as  like  me  in  other  things  as  he  was  in  person. 
But,  drink  !  drink  was  the  ruin  of  him.  I'll  go 
.directly  and  break  out  the  melancholy  news  to 
Miss  and  the  Old  gentleman,  while  you,  Paul, 
you  

Paul.  1*11  go  to  the  half-way-house  and  watch 
45ver  my  poor  master's  remains.  Poor  gentle- 
man, drink  was,  as  you  say,  sir,  the  ruin  of  him. 
Heigho,  sorrow  is  dry,  I  must  get  a  little  drop 
of  something  to  comfort  me  for  his  loss — Good 
bye,  sir,  oh,  oh  ! 

Nic.  Farewell,  Paul.  Heu  Fugaces !  what 
frail  creatures  we  are.  [Exeunt  amho. 


SPECTRE 


(MoucriefF 


SCENE  II.  An  apartment  in  AldwinUe  Hall. 
Enter  Georgrana  and  Lavinia. 

Lav.  If  you  ask  my  advice,  my  dear  Geor- 
giana,  I  must  candidly  express  my  opinion,  that 
as  you  wish  to  marry  Captain  Vauntington,  wha 
lias  no  money,  and  Mr,  Nicodemus,  who  has 
plenty,  wishes  to  marry  you  ;  you,  having  plen- 
ty, ought  to  take  pity  on  the  Captain's  poverty, 
and  leave  me,  who  have  nothing,  to  make  love 
U  I  like,  to  Mr.  iSicodemus's  abundance.  Its 
quite  enough  for  one  party  to  be  rich  in  marri- 
age, there  can  be  no  participation  if  its  other- 
wise, you  know. 

Geo.  What  you  say,  coz.  is,  as  it  always  is^ 
full  of  excellent  sense  ;  the  only  question  is, 
how  is  it  to  be  accomplished.  You  know  my 
father's  obstinacy;  his  engagement  with  Mr. 
ISicodemus,  and — Eh,  here  comes  my  fathe), 
and  my  dear  captain  too  as  I  live  ;  they  are 
discussing  a  subject  too  interesting  to  my  feel- 
ings to  permit  my  being  an  auditor.  Let  us  re- 
tire my  dear  cousin,  and  await  in  hope  the  end 
ofth.  i'  conference.  [Exeunt  Georgiana  and 
Lavinia. 

E nter  Aid  winkle  and  Vauntington. 
Aid.  Tis  no  use  talking  Mr.  Vauntington — if 
you  are  a  Aptain,  you  are  only  a  South  Ameri- 
can captain  ;  they  spring  up  like  mushrooms, 
now  o  days,  and  egad,  are  worth  about  as  much. 

Vaunt.  But  my  dear  sir,  my  family  

Aid.  Ah,  there's  the  thing — if  you  get  a  fa- 
mily, how  the  devil  are  you  to  support  them  ; 
besides,  I've  solemnly  engaged  my  daughter  to 
Mr.  ISieodemus,  he  has  it  under  my  hand  and 


Act,  I.) 


BRIDEGROOM 


seal— sent  it  him  by  the  C  eneral  Post  above  a 
month  ago     To  be  sure,  I've  never  seen  the 
gentleman,  but  his  character  is  undeniable. 
Vaunt.  It  is  not  too  late  to  retract  sir! 
Aid.  Indeed,  but  it  is.  sir,  far  I  expect  him  to 
anive  every  moment.  He  sent  t;:e  word  he  was 
coming  express,  though  there  was  no  occasion 
for  that;  1  knew  it;  lor  independently  of  an 
amazingly  bright  fetter  in  the  candle  last  night, 
that  pointed  directly  towards  me.  my  man  Dick- 
ory,  saw  a  stranger  on  the  bars  this  morning  ; 
that  immediately  he  clapp'd  his  hands,  flew  into 
the  fire—a  sure  sign  he  was  a  good  friend  ;  be- 
sides that,  my  daughter  found  one  in  her  tea 
cup,  at  breakfast  time — an  astonishingly  hard  bite. 
Vaunt.  Ridiculous  childish  superstition  ! 
Aid.  So  you  may  think  ;  but  I'm  of  a  differ- 
ent opinion.    You're  one  of  those  heedless  fel- 
lows now,  who'd  walk  twenty  times  under  a 
ladder  and  never  once  look  behind  you,  and  if 
you  were  to  see  fifty  piebald  horses,  would'nt 
pull  a  hair  out  of  the  tail  of  any  one  of  them, 
though  you  might  get  any  thing  you  chose  to 
wish  for,  for  your  pains. 

Vaunt.  But  allow  me  to  say  sir,  that  my 

passion  for  your  daughter  

Aid.  Zounds,  sir,  you'll  put  me  in  a  passion, 
if  you  go  on  in  this  way,  hav'nt  I  sent  Dickory 
off  to  meet  Mr.  Nicodemus,  at  the  half-way- 
house,  where  he  wrote  me  word,  he  should  stop 
and  dine,  on  purpose  to  conduct  him  here  ail 
the  sooner.  I  wonder  they  hav'nt  arrived,  for 
its  getting  rather  late. 

Vaunt.  But  early  impressions,  first  love,  sir — 
Aid.  Second  thoughts  are  best — hey,  surely  I 
hear  the  sound  of  visitors  without.    It  must  be. 


SPECTRE  (Moncrieff. 

Mr.  Nicodemus.  Now  do,  my  good  sir,  oblige 
n-ie  by  taking  an  answer  and  going.  Mr.  Nico- 
demus lias  put  your  nose  so  complety  out  of 
joint  that  

Vaunt.  Vulgar  rascal,  but  your  former  kind- 
ness—  

Aid.  Now  do  go. 

Vaunt.  My  high  expectations  

Aid.  Lower  your  tone,  my  good  friend,  I  beg, 
zonnds  do  you  think  you're  giving  the  word  of 
command;  Its  time  I  turn  General,  come,  march  ! 

Vaunt.  I  must  submit  to  fate,  you'll  repent 
this  old  Aldwinkle  ;  take  my  word  for  it;  the 
loss  is  as  much  yours  as  mine,  so  good  night. 
Poor  Georgiana  !  [Exit  Vauntington. 

Aid.  Thank  heaven  he's  off—  now  then  for— 
Enier  Servant  preceding  Nicodemus. 
•  Serv.    Mr.    Nicodemus — Sir    (Bines  and 
retires.) 

ALlic.  Welcome,  my  dear,  dear  sir,  ten 
thousand  welcomes.  You  need  no  introduction, 
from  the  strong  resemblance  you  bear  to  your 
likeness,  I  should  have  known  you  any  where. 

Nic*  That  is  fortunate.  I  can  proceed  to 
the  business  at  once.  1  knew  if  he  had  once 
seen  my  Cousin,  he  would  recognize  me — 
(aside.)  I  am  extremely  obliged  by  your  kind- 
ness, sir — I  regret  that  I  should  be  the  

A  dw.    Make  no  apology,  dear  boy,  I  beg. 

Nic,    The  abruptness  of  this  visit  

Aldw.    Not  at  all. 

Nic.    My  precipitate  appearance  ~ 

Ald.    You  do  excellently  well — make  no 
ppologies,  pray. 
Nic.  Can  only  be  excused  by  the  urgency— 


Act.  I.)  BRIDEGROOM.  9 

Aid.  I  won't  hear  another  word  till  you've 
taken  some  refreshment. 

Nic.    The  uncertainty  of — 

Aid.  Aye,  aye,  travelling  is  damn1  d  uncer- 
tain. 

Nic.  We  are  but  too  liable  to  be  cut  short 
in — 

Aid.  True,  true,  I  must  cuttou  short  now; 
for  supper  is  just  ready  -  and  you  must  needs 
want  something,  travel!!-  far. 

Nic.  Nay,  my  dear  but  you  must  pre- 
pare yourself  for — 

Aid.  Take  no  care  about  that ,  I  have  pre- 
pared every  thins; 

Nic.  But  my  dear  <  ■  ■  fate — lament- 
ed  

Aid.    Better  late  the  ..  —you're  here 

and  that's  sufficient.    .  u  hadn't 

come  sooner,  ceriainlv  is  dying 

with  impatience  to  &e :]  here, 
why  Georgiana,  Geor-  . 

Nic.  Zounds,  he  won  t  let  me  edge  in  a 
word  any  way; — [asidi  .]— -but  my  dear  sir, 
allow  me  a  few  serious  *vords  with  you  

Aid.  Not  another  word  'ill  you've  supp'd 
— we'll  have  no  serious  words  'ogether  if  I 
know  it.  To  morrow  is  time  »u go  for  busi- 
ness— to-night  dev<  fce  to  mirth  and  love, 
you  dog — pl>, here  G  ?oi  giana  comes. 

Nic.  What  shall  I  dq  now — 1  can't  men- 
tion my  cousin's  death  before  the  ;  oung  lady  ; 
she'd  be  going  into  hysterick**.  I  must  kt  the 
old  gentleman  have  his  way,  and  get  him  to 
let  me  relate  the  particulars  by  'md-bye — [En- 
ter Georgiana.j — A  fine  girl,  iukh. 

Georgiana.  Did  you  want  me,  Papa  ? 


>0  SPECTRE  (Moncrieff. 

Aid.  No,  hussey ;  but  Mr.  Nicodemus  does 
— Mr.  Nicodemus,  ray  daughter  Georgiana  ! 

Georgiana  f  aside  J — What  a  solemn  look- 
ing fright,  I'm  sure  I  can  never  bring  myself  to 
love  him. 

Aid.  Country  bred,  xWr.  Nicodemus — un- 
formed at  present — so  much  the  better,  you  can 
mould  her  to  your  liking  ;  she's  bashful  but 
sincere.  Come  Georgiana,  why  don't  you  say 
something  inspiring  to  Mr.  Nicodemus,  hus- 
sey, after  his  long  journey. 

Georgiana.  Something  inpiring  after  a  long 
journey.  Pa  ? — Well  then,  it  I  must  say  some- 
thing, perhaps  I  can't  say  better  than  

Aid.  Aye,  aye,  come  out  with  it. 

Georgiana.  Supper's  ready,  sir. 

Aid.  Psha — but  egad  it's  apropos  enough  ; 
a  wag,  Mr.  Nicodemus — a  wag — takes  after 
me. 

Nic.  I  am  as  much  at  a  lass  what  to  say  as 
the  young  lady  can  be  ;  supper  s  a  timely  re- 
lief, faith — [atide.~] — allow  me  to  offer  my  arm, 
Madam. 

Georgiana.  You  are  very  polite  sir — this 
way  if  you  please.  [Exeunt  Nicodemus  and 
Georgiana. 

Aid.  I'll  follow  you  the  moment  I  have  given 
some  orders  to  the  butler.  I'm  so  rejoiced 
that— 

Enter  Servant. 

Wei!,  sirrah,  what  do  you  want  ? 

Sen.  I  don't  want  any  thing  your  honor- 
but  here's  Dickory — he's  come  back  and  wants 
to  see  yoe.  in  private,  he  says — 

Aid.  Wants  to  see  me  in  private  ! — what  oar;. 


Act.  I.)  BRIDEGROOM.  if 

the  blockhead  want  with  me  in  private  ? — well, 
Jet  him  come  in.  \Kosti  Servant. 

I  suppose  he  had  idled  his  time  away  so,  that 
Mr.  Nicodemus  was  gone  before  he  arrived,  and 
now  he's  coming  with  some  cock  and  a  buU 
story  to  excuse  himself. 

Enter  Dickory  (crying.^ 
Well,  what  the  devil  is  that  cursed  long  face 
for  ? 

Dick.  Oh,  master  ! — oh,   Mr.   Aid  winkle, 
such  a  misfortune  !  Oh  !  Oil  ! 

Aid.  What,  1  suppose  when  you  got  to  the 
halfway-house,  you  found  Mr.  JNidocemus  had 
just  departed  ? 

Dick.  Yeas,  poor  gentleman,  he'd  been  quite 
gone  above  an  hour  afore  I  got  there.  1  heip'd 
to  lay  him  out  when  \  found  how  things  were. 

Aid.  Lay  him  out — Zounds,  I  hope  yon 
didn't  speak  any  thing  ill  of  him. 

Dick.  Oh  no,  master,  we  never  do  speak  ill 
of  those  who  are  gone. 

AM.  Gone,  well  but  he's  come. 

Dick.  Come — what — ha'  they  brought  his 
body  here  ? 

Aid.  No,  he  brought  his  body  here  himself. 

Dick  What,  in  a  hearse  ? 

Aid.  No,  on  a  horse,  and  you  must  go  and 
wait  on  him 

Dick.  What — sit  up  all  night  wi'  him  ! 

Aid:  No,  only  till  he's  finished  his  supper. 

Dick.  Supper  ! — 

Aid.  Yes,  blockhead — he's  just  sat  down 
with  my  daughter. 

Dick.  Dang  it,  this  be  the  first  time  I  ever  heard 
of  dead  men  sitting  down  to  supper  wi'  voting 


SPECTRE 


(Moncrief, 


ladies — he  be  quite  mad — how  his  eyes  do 
roll,  surely. — Aside.] 

Bid.  Zounds,  scoundrel,  Dickory,  what  are 
you  talking  about  ;  though  I  did  give  you  five 
shillings  to  drink,  I  did  c  tell  you  to  make  a 
beast  of  yourself — he's  quite  drunk! — go  ras- 
cal and  wait  on  Mr-  Nicodemus,  directly. 

Dick.  He  be  quite  crack'd.  (Aside.) 

Aid.  Dreadfully  drunk — will  you  do  what  I 
tell  you,  villi1  in  ;  will  you  go  in  and  see  that 
JVlr.  Nicodemus  wants  for  nothing  ;  take  care 
that  he  has  plenty  of  the  turtle  soup, 

Dicic.  Turtle  soup — what  be  the  good  of 
turtle  soup  when  a  man  be  dead.  To  think 
now  that  be  should  die  just  when  he  were  go- 
ing to  be  married  ! 

Aid.  Why,  you  sottish  hrazen  rascal,  you 
havn't  the  consummate  impudence  to  pronounce 
an  honest  gentleman  dead,  who  is  at  this  mo^ 
ment  eating  and  drinking  and  making  love  to 
my  daughter  in  the  very  next  room  ;  but  your 
own  eyes  shall  convince  yoa  how  richly  you 
deserve  a  ducking  :  you  say  you  saw  the  gentle- 
man. 

Dick.  Ee's  sure  ;  I  were  wV  his  poor  body 
above  an  hour  and  a  half. 

Aid.  Then  you'd  know  him  again  if  you  see 
him. 

Dick.  Aye,  out  o*  ten  thousand. 

Aid.  Then,  see  him  yo  1  shall,  and  that  this 
very  moment  ;  the  sight  of  him  may  bring  you 
to  your  sober  senses  again.  Please  just  to 
walk  this  way  sir,  that  is,  if  you're  able  to  walk. 

Dick.  I  mun  humour  the  old  man,  or  he  may 
do  me  a  mischief.  Poor  fellow,  how  mad  he 
be.  (aside.)  I'm  coming,  sir.  [Exeunt  Aid- 
winkle  and  Dickory. 


Act.  I.) 


BRIDEGROOM. 


SCENE  III. 

Handsome  apartment  in  Aldrvinkh  Hall,  Nico 
demus,  Georgiana  and  Lavinia,  discovered  sil- 
ting at  supper. 

Nic.  [aside.']  Methinks  that  I  cut  but  a  very 
foolish  figure  here  ;  I  neither  know  what  to  do 
or  say;  1  believe  my  best  refuge  is  in  silence— 
Heigho  .'  would  I  were  at  home  continuing  my 
treatise  on  Vampires. 

Lav.  Your  Papa  does  not  seem  to  be  com- 
ing coz,  had  we  not  better  proceed  to  supper  ? 

Geo.  Any  thing  to  enliven  us  a  little.  We 
have  been  as  dull  aixl  as  silent  for  the  last  half 
hour  as  a  Quaker's  meeting.  Will  you  allow 
me  to  assist  you,  sir  ? 

Nic.  [solemnly.]  I  thank  you,  but  I  have  no 
appetite. 

Lav.  You  feed  upon  meditation  it  should 
:eem,sir? 

Nic.    I  must  own  I  am  partial  to  the  grave. 

Gear.  I  hope  it  isn't  love  that  disturbs  the 
gentleman?  shall  1  help  you  to  some  cold  pud- 
ding, sir ! 

NiC.  I  never  eat  cold  pudding  ;  but  my  time 
is  come :  I  have  to  set  off  at  day  break,  and 
must  retire  at  once — a  solemn  duty  impels  me  to 
be  absent  Tomorrow  night  I  shall  return  again, 
present  my  regards  to  your  worthy  father;  an 
important  secret  remains  to  be  revealed  to  him, 
in  which  you  are  all  deeply  interested.  Iam 
too  wandering  and  disturbed  for  the  task  now — 
but  to-morrow  night  1  heigho!  life  is  very  un- 
certain.   Yale!  Yale!         [Exit  Nicodemus. 


14 


SPECTRE 


(MArtcrfcfc 


Lav.  Bless  me,  what  an  amazingly  odd  man. 
I  should  as  soon  think  of  linking  myself  to  the 
parish  pump  as  such  a  Don  Saltero. 

Gear.  There  is  certainly  something  ve^y 
mysterious  in  his  manner.  Yale  !  Vale !  [mock- 
ing him.) 

Lav.    Hush,  here's  your  father. 

Enter  Aid  winkle  and  Dickory. 

Aid.  Now  villain,  Dickory — look — convince 

yourself  that  why,  the  gentleman's  j;one  I 

Dick.  E'es,  to  be  sure  he  be — didn't  I  tell 
you  he  were  departed,  but  you   wouldn't  be- 
lieve me  ;  his  madness  be  going  away — he  ha' 
got  a  losing  interval  —  [aside 
Gzorgiana.  Is  it  Mr.  Nicodemus  you  want 

Pa?  he  has  retired  to  his  apartment,  and  

Aid.  Eh  !  gone  to  bed,  has  he,  and  without 
his  supper  !  how  is  he  to  find  out  the  room  ? 
Run,  Dickory,  and  light  him — take  him  my 
nightcap  and  slippers — make  haste,  rogue. 

Geurgi-  Aye,  do  Dickory,  or  the  poor  gen- 
tleman may  break  his  neck  over  the  bannisters. 

Dick.  They  all  humor  him,  I  see  ;  well,  I 
mustn't  be  particular.  I'll  go  sir — [takes  a 
candle  from  the  table.'] — but  if  Mr.  Nicodemus 
be  there,  dang  me  if  I  doir't  first  eat  him,  and 
then  gi'  you  leave  to  eat  me  afterwards. 

[Exit  Dickory. 
Aid.  I  am  sorry  Dickory's  drunken  folly  in 
persisting  that  Mr  Nicodemus  was  dead,  pre- 
vented my  paying  my  respects  to  him  before 
he  retired.  Poor  fellow.  1  forgot  how  far  he 
had  travelled  to-day  ! 


AvM) 


BRIDEGROOM. 


15 


Enter  Dickory,  hastily. 

Did:    Oh  Lord  !  Oh  Lord  !  Oh  Lord  ! 

Aid.  Eh,  why  Dickory  ! — Zounds,  block- 
head what's  the  matter  with  you  ;  you  look  as 
seared  as  if  you  had  seen  a  ghost  ? 

Dick,  That  be  it:  you've  hit  it  Squire,  by 
gosh. — It  be  he  !  Til  swear  to  on — 1  knows 
till  by  the  turn  o'  his  nose.  Oh  dear  I  oh  dear  ! 
that  ever  I  should  ha  liv'd  to  see  a  ghost. 

Aid.  See  a  ghost,  dolt  .'--lie's  at  it  again 
he's  breaking  out  in  fresh  places — have  you 
seen  Mr.  Nicodemus,  sirrah  ? 

Dick.  Na,  but  I  ha'  seer)  his  apparition.  It 
be  qnite  indecent  and  unnatural  in  un  not  to 
rest  quiet  now  he's  dead,  like  a  proper  Christaiu 
gentleman. 

Aid.  Can  the  fellow  really  be  serious  ?  I 
am  confounded. 

Georgi.  A  ghost !  is  the  gentleman  a  ghost? 
Oh  dear,  I'm  sure  I  can  never  bring  myself  to 
marry  a  ghost  Pa 

Lav.  We  may  profit  by  this  [aside  ]  Well, 
I  declare  I  thought  he  was  something  he  shouldn't 
be  by  his  mysterious  ways  ;  didn't  you  remark, 
coz,  that  all  the  time  he  sat  with  us,  he  never 
opened  his  mouth  till  we  forced  him  to  it. 

Dick.  Na,  ghosts  do  never  speak  but  when 
they  be  spoken  to. 

Lav-  And  then,  didn't  you  remark,  Georgy, 
dear,  that  he  would  neither  eat  nor  drink. 

Aid.  Ghosts  never  do — I  don't  know  what 
to  think.  Stop,  Dickory  ;  what's  that  on  the  side 
of  the  candle  ? 

Dirk.  Why,  a  large  lump  of  tallow  to  be 
£ure  what  should  it  be  ? 


16 


SPECTRE 


Aid.  A  lump  of  tallow,  dog — it*s  a  wind- 
ing sheet !  I  never  saw  a  more  perfect  one  in 
my  life.    We'll  n<il  go  to  bed  to-night. 

Lav.  But  what  we  have  already  told  you 
is  not  all,  sir.  he  openly  confessed  he  was  ad- 
dicted to  the  grave, 

Aid.  Addicted  to  the  grave  !  my  back  fair- 
ly open^  and  shuts. 

Die.  Depend  upon  it,  he  has  sum'maton  his 
mind,  1  should'nt  wonder  if  he  had'nt  been  pri- 
vately murdered  by  somebody,  and  be  come 
here  to  get  him  hung. 

Geo.  Something  on  his  mind  !  talking  of  that 
just  before  he  vanish'd  up  stairs,  he  groaivd  out 
that  he  had  a  dreadful  secret  to  disclose  to  you. 

Aid  To  me,  mercy  on  me,  you  put  me  all 
in  a  cold  shiver,  girl. 

Geo.  Don't  you  remember,  Lavinia,  he  said 
he  was  obliged  to  disappear  at  day-break  ? 

Die.  Disappear  at  day-break  !  1  warrant 
him.  The  moment  the  cock  crows,  he  mun  go 
bang  through  the  key-hole, 

Lav.  But  he  left  his  compliments,  and  said 
he  should  be  sure  to  come  again  to-morrow 
night. 

Aid.  Hang  him,  1  11  have  him  laid  in  the 
red  sea,  I'll  stop  up  the  key  hole  ;  1  11  exorcise 
him.    Oh  that  I  did  but  understand  Latin. 

Die.  It  would  be  o'  no  use,  squire,  he'd 
come  down  The  chimney,  dress'd  all  in  white. 
Ah  knew  it  warn't  for  nothing  I  see  d  those 
three  damn  d  ravens  sitting  cawing  by  the  hedge 
side,  to-day,  Besides  that,  this  very  morning, 
just  as  I  stepp'd  into  the  cellar,  to  get  a  cup  of 
your  honor  s  particular  October —  


>.,:>.  I)  BRIDEGUGOM.  iT 

Aid.  Ah,  when  I  was  looking  all  over  the 
bouse  after  you>  and  wanted  you  so  

Pie.  Yens,  sir — I  heard  a  loud  voice  cry 
I>ickory — Dickory — Dick — three  times. 

AUi.  Bless  us,  and  save  us,  it  was'nt  my  voice, 
was  it,  Dickory  ? 

Die.  Na,  squire,  it  were  iikerer  to  a  trumpet, 
and  just  about  the  time  the  poor  gentleman  left 
off  living,  our  great  kitchen  jack  stopp'd. 

Aid.  Its  past  all  doubt.  Mrs.  Veal's  ghost 
itself  was  nt  more  sure.    What  o'clock  was  it 

ivhen  Mr.  Nic — that  is,  when  the  gho  Loui 

blessme,  that  is,  when  if, you  know  who,arrived— 

Lav.  Exactly  midnight  sir. 

Geo.  Just  twelve ! 

Aid.  The  very  hour  j  they  musl'nt  come  out 
before  twelve. 

Geo.  Oh,  dear  papa,  I  never  can  sleep  alow 
ftfter  this.  If  Mr.  IXicoriemus  comes  haunting  as 
at  nights  in  this  manner  ;  1  really  must  marry 
the  captain,  if  its  only  to  take  care  of  me;  so 
you'd  better  let  me  have  him  at  once,  pa. 

Aid.  Eh,  what  noise  is  that  t — Mercy  on  me, 
I  hope  it  is'nt  

Die.  He  be  coming — He  be  comii\g,  squire  ! 

Aid.  Who,  Dickory  ! 

Die.  The  ghost,  sir. 

AM.  Let  me  get  out  of  the  way.  What's  to 
be  done  ? 

Die.  Get  behind  this  screen,  and  Til  hide 
u  id  r  the  table.    Oh  gemini.  here  he  be  — 

Aid.  Oh  dear,  oh  dear,  make  haste?  make 
b'ifcte.  I  tremble  in  every  joint.  [They  all  UuJc* 

Enter  Nicolemus. 
Nic.  I  cannot  re,st. 

m 


L8 


SPECTRE 


(Moncrieff 


Aid.  (looking  over  tlie  screen,  aside.)  No,  I'll 
be  bound  you  can't. 

Die.  Poor  soul,  (aside.) 

Nic.  It  must  be  near  day-break.  I  smell  the 
morning  air  quite  fresh — hark — there's  a  cock 
crowing.    'Tis  time  for  me  to  depart. 

Aid.  (aside)  Mark  that. 

Nic.  I  shall  not  be  at  peace  till  the  burial -s 
over,  and  I  have  revealed  this  fatal  secret  to  the 
family.  Hark  the  cock  crows  again.  I  must 
depart.  Paul  wiH  be  waiting.  Heigho.  [Exit  Nic. 
They  all  creep  out^  watching  him  off  with 
fear  and  wonder. 


ESD  OF  THE  FIRSI  AC£ 


Act.  If.) 


BRIDEGROOM. 


ACT  IF. 

SCENE  I. — -inothcr  apartment  in  AldtvinkU 
Hall 

Enter  Aldwinkle  and  Dickory- 

Aid.  What  a  state  of  mind  have  I  been  ii 
for  the  last  twenty-four  hours  :  but,  having  been 
to  the  halfway-house,  an  ;  convinced  myself  of 
the  trutli  of  your  story,  I  confess  I  was  wrong, 
when  I  suspected  yo'u  of  attempting  to  deceive1 
me  ;  I  was  wrong,  very  wrong. 

Die.  E'es,  sur,  you  were. 

Aid,  But  1  really  thought  you  had  been  drink* 
ing — you  know  you  do  drink  sometimes,  Dick- 
ory. 

Die.  E'es,  sur,  when  I  be  dry. 

Aid.  However,  I  must  endeavor  to  make  you 
amends,  Dickory,  some  of  these  days. 

Die.  E'es,  sur,  you  must.  Dickens,  how  my 
hand  do  itch— that  be  a  sure  sign  I  shall  ha' 
some  money  soon  ;  I  shouldn't  wonder  if  you: 
honor  wasn't  going  to  give  me  a  guinea. 

Aid.  Eh,  a  guinea — hum — there's  no  guineas 
now,  Dickory,  however,  you  shall  have  a  sove- 
reign, that  will  do  as  well. 

Die.  E'es,  sur,  better — I'm  a  loyal  subject, 
and  wish  very  much  for  a  sovereign 

Aid.  I'm  glad  to  learn  from  the  landlord,  that 
poor  Mr.  Nicodemus'  relations  are  going  to  at- 
lend  to  the  funeral  themselves  ;  it  will  save  me 
■d  world  of  trouble,  for  I  couldn't  have  refused  tc 


£0 


SPECTRE 


(MoncriefF 


put  his  body  under  ground.  I  hope  he'll  keep 
there,  whec  he  is  there,  and  not  pay  us  anj' 
more  of  his  visits 

Die.  He'll  be  sure  to  come  again  to-night, 
squire,  y.  u  know  he  said  he  would. 

Ad.  Lord  bless  me,  so  he  did. 

Die  He  has'nt  told  you  the  secret,  yet ;  and 
he  wont  rest  till  that  be  out  depend  upon  it,  none 
of  them  can. 

Aid.  True,  true — mercy  on  me-r-what  is  it 
O'clock  now,  Dickory. 

Die.  Just  twelve  :  the  time  he  came  last  night. 

Aid  Oh  my  poor  wits,  they  are  nearly  all 
frightened  away  :  the  unhappy  gentleman  must 
have  been  a  terrible  wicked  reprobate  in  bis 
time,  for  his  poor  soul  to  be  wandering  about  in 
this  manner,  Dickory. 

Die.  Yeas,  he  mun,  indeed,  but  he  be  paying 
for  it  now.  Eh,  what's  that,  there  he  be  aga'n  sur. 

Aid.  Oli  dear,  oh  dear!  Stand  back,  and  let 
tVs  observe  him. 

Enter  Nicodemus. 

Nic.  Very  odd  they  should  leave  all  the  doors 
open  at  this  time  o'night.    I'm  glad  one  melan- 
choly day  is  over,  and  that  I  have  gone  through 
so  much  of  the  painful  duty  imposed  upon  me. 
Night  's  the  only  time  I  have  left  to  myself  now. 
But  where  can  this  Aldwinkle  be  ?    1  must  not 
any  longer  delay  revealing  the  important  secret 
to  him     ;  shall  not  be  easy  till  then,  solemnly 
enjoined  to  it  as  I  was  in  the  immediate  mo* 
ments  of  death.    He  little  suspects  who  I  aui. 
Aid.  (aside)  Don  t  be  too  sure  of  that. 
/Vic.  But  where  can  he  be  I 
\   4-Id.  Now  for  it. 


ictir.j  BraDEGP.oor.r  •-; 

Nic.  (looking  round  and  seeing  Ahlwtnkle'} 
Eli  here  ?  this  is  very  odd — Your  servant,  Mr. 
Aldwinkle. 

Aid  What  cnn  I  do  to  give  peace  to  your 
poor  unhappy  soul !  if  you  ve  any  thing  to  un- 
fold, I  conjure  you  to  disclose  it  at  once. 

Nic.  I  will— I  am  not  what  I  seem,  nor 
what  you  take  me  to  be. 

Aid.  I  know  it  poor  miserable  wretch  ! 

Dick.  The  murder  be  all  coming  out  now' 

(aside.) 

Nic.  Though  1  bear  the  name  of  Nicodemusv 
and  exactly  resemble  him  in  every  particular, 
I  prepare  yourself 

Aid.  1  am  prepared     Lord  bless  me  ! 
'Nic.  I — I  am  merely  the  representative  of  that 
unhappy  man — he  is  no  longer  in  this  world. 

Aid.  1  know  it  Mr.  Gho —  that  is  Mr.  Re* 
presentative. 

Nic.  Unfortunate  Gasper— excuse  my  being 
overcome  :  I  have  had  a  long  journey 

Die.  Yeas,  it  be  a  good  way,  I  dare  sayr 
from  the  other  world,  (aside) 

Nic.  I  had  a  pleasant  walk  through  the 
church  yard  though 

Aid  Oh,  no  doubt,  you  found  yourself  quite 
at  home  there. 

Nic.  Shall  I  relate  to  you  the  particulars  of 
the  unhappy  event  ? 

Aid.  Oh,  no  ;  pray  dont  trouble  yourself, 
Mr.  Kepresentative.  I  am  fully  acquainted 
with  all. 

Nic.  I  am  happy  you  are.    You  commuri: 
cated  the  melancholy  fact  to  your  daughter  ? 
Aid.  I  did. 

Nic.  Is  she  resigned  ? 


£|  SFECTRE  (Mo.ncrieff. 

Aid.  Perfectly. 

Nic.  'Tis  fortunate  ;  though  her  destined 
Bridegroom  be  no  longer  in  the  hind  of  the  liv- 
ing, she  can  still  be  iMrs.  INicodemus.  I  offer 
her  my  hand. 

A.d.  Eh— you  ? 

Nic.  I  shall  provide  suitable  apartments. 
Die-  (aside)  Yeas ;  on  the  ground  floor,  f 

suppose. 

N/c.  But  we  will  settle  all  these  things  here- 
after ;  I  have  business  to  night.  1  expect  a 
messenger  every  moment  from  the  sexton  and 
undertaker  ! 

Aid.  Lord  ha'  mercy  an  us  !  I  would'nt  in* 
trude  for  the  world  !  No  doubt  another  ghost 
like  himself  Come  along  Dickory. 

Die.  Wi  all  my  heart.  I  don't  want  bid- 
ding twice. 

[Exeunt  Dickory  and  Aldwinkle  :  they  con- 
ceal theiXHlves  on  cne  side  oj  the  *  age. 

Nic.  That's  a  very  strange  old  fellow  :  in 
fact,  they  seem  a  very  strange  family  all  togeth- 
rr — a  little  touch'd,  think  Where  r.nn  Paul 
h»e  ?  I  desired  him  to  meet  me  here  let  it  be 
ever  so  late— Eh,  I  am  bla.  i~g  him  without 
cause  ;  he  is  true  to  his  ppointment ! 
Enter  Paul ;»  a  mourning  cl^ak,  hatband,  §c. 
1  was  just  wishing  for  you,  Paul. 

Paul.  I  could  nt  possibly  be  here  before,  sir, 
to  sfttie  every  thing,  I've  flown  like  lightning,  as 
it  is. 

Aid  (aside  to  Dickory)  Who  can  this  ter 
rible-looking  figure  be  all  in  black 

Die  Depend  upon  it,  squire  as  Mr  Nicodc 
mus  be  Young  Nick,  that  this  be  Old  Nic^. 


Act.  II  )  BRIDEGROOM.  AS 

Nic.  (to  Paul)  Have  you  settled  with  thcr 
sexton  about  the  grave  ? 

Paul.  Make  your  mind  easy,  sir ;  I  have  got 
you  as  nice  a  grave  as  you  can  possibly  desire ; 
ioorny,  dry,  and  eight  feet  deep. 

Aid.  Curse  hinv,  1  wish  he  was  in  it  now. 

[aside.] 

Nic.  That's  comfortable- 

Paul,  i  have  brought  you  a  specimen  of  the 
cloaks  and  hatbands.  See'  ent  they  quite  dfga- 
gee  r — just  the  thing — Eh. 

Nic.  They  cannot  be  better- 

Paul.  You  shall  have  as  handsome  a  fun 
as  your  heart  can  wish  for.  The  landl  -rd  atid 
his  two  waiter?  halve  promised  to  be  mourners 
over  the  bier—  the  mutes  spoke  to  me  last  night 
about  attending,  and  as  for  the  pall-bearers, 
leave  Paul  alone  for  them,  so  you  see  there'll  be 
nothing  wanting. 

Nic.  Will  the  bells  toll  before  and  after  as  I 
wished  them. 

Paul  Your  own  ears  shall  convince  you  that 
thev  have  not  been  forgotten, 

Nic.  Good. 

Paul.  1  have  settled  for  the  funeral  to  take 
place  to-morrow'  ;  you'll  be  quite  ready  then. 

Nic.  Yes,  I  shall  keep  myself  on  purpose. 

Paul.  It  can  be  put  off  if  you  wish  it. 

Nic.  By  no  means  !  the  sooner  the  better. 
When  once  the  burial  has  take  place,  I  shall  he 
at  rest  :  1  shan't  have  a  quiet  Right  till 
men. 

Paul.  You  will  of  course  move  the  first  in  thf 
procession;  it  couldn't  take  place  without  you 
and  you'll  like  a  ride. 

Aid.  [as  de.}  Th?  devil  take  such  rides,  say  L 


SPECTRE 


{Moncrieff. 


Nic.  But,  the  epitaph-— you've  forgotten  the 
epitaph. 

Paul.  No,  1  havn't  ;  I've  written  one  fojr 
you  myself- -but  you  shall  hear,  [reads.] 
Here,  taken  one  day  by  surprize, 
"  Mister  Nicodemus  lies  ; 
"  Had  he  a  little  longer  tarried, 
"  To  Miss  Aldwinkle  he  d  been  married  j 
v  But  Death,  to  spare  a  late  repentance, 
**  Cried,   6  Come,  Nick,  come,'  so  strait  lie 

"  went  hence, 
u  And  now  awaits  his  final  sentence  " 

There,  how  dye  like  it— you  must  admire  the 
final  sentence  if  you  dont  any  other  part  of  it. 

Nic  The  matter  is  better  than  the  manner, 
but  it  will  do,  let  me  have  it  neatly  engraved. 

PguL  Set  your  mind  at  ease,  it  shall  be 
done  by  one  of  the  first  lapidaries  we  have. 

Nic.  But  you  must  need  refreshment  Come 
this  way,  and  i  will  get  you  a  bone  to  pick.  I 
will  now  go  an6  continue  my  researches  in  the 
Domestic  History  of  Vampires,  that  I  may  be 
completely  au  fait  to  my  task,  and  not  prove 
myself  a  novice,  and  by  the  time  I've  married 
old  Aldwinkle's  daughter,  I  shall  be  able  to  put 
my  theory  in  practice.    Come  Paul,  come. 

[Exeunt  Paul   and  Nicodemus.  Ald- 
w'mkle  and  Dickory  come  forward. 

Die.  Dang  me,  if  this  bain't  the  first  time  I 
ever  heard  of  a  dead  man  be:ng  asked  when 
he  liked  to  be  buried. 

Aid-  1  am  perfectly  perforated  in  every  par: 
with  horror-  —going  to  marry  my  daughter  and 
turn  Vampire--  Ah  •'  no  doubt  to  practise  on 
hrr.   But,  thank  Heaven.,  he'Jl  he  buried  to- 


Act.  IL)  BRIDEGROOM.  £5 

morrow.  Dickory,  go  you  the  first  thing  tor 
morrow  and  see  him  box  d  up,  and  d  ye  hear, 
bribe  the  sexton  to  dig  his  grave  afoot  or  two 
deeper,  and  put  one  of  the  heaviest  and  largest 
stones  he  can  gei  upon  it. 

Die.  I  will,  sir  ;  any  thing  to  keep  him  dowo 
and  prevent  his  coming  up. 

Aid.  And  in  the  mean  time  we  ll  go  and 
hide  ourselves  till  daybreak  in  the  cellar.  When 
ghosts  are  abroad,  the  only  safe  place  is  under 
ground. 

Die.  You  be  right,  Squire  —and  if  he  do 
dare  to  come  there  dang  me  if  we  don't  lay  un  in 
the  Red  Sea  o'  one  o'  your  pipes  o1  Port. 

[Exeunt  Aid  winkle  and  Dickory 

SCENE  \\~~Anothtr  avariment  in  Jldwinkl:.- 
Hall. 

Enter  Georgiana,  Lavinia,  and  Vauntington. 

Lav  Why,  my  dear  Georgiana,  if  I  could 
be  weak  enough  to  bend  my  mind  to  supersti- 
tion, I  must  own  there  are  corroborative  cir- 
cumstances enough  to  prove  the  poor  gentleman 
a  ghost  even  to  the  sceptical  But  the  reign  of 
the  invisible  world  has  passed  away  with  the 
ages  of  chivalry  and  ignorance  ;  the  establish- 
ment of  Sunday  Schools,  my  dear,  has  signed 
the  death  warrant  of  all  ghosts  past,  present  and 
to  come,  so  you  must  excuse  me  if  I  remain  in- 
credulous. 

Geo.  T  am  convine'd  Mr.  Nicodemus  is  a 
ghost  a  veritable  ghost  and  nothing  but  a  ghost. 

Vaunt  A  ghost  my  rival — then  Othello's 
occupation's  gone.  To  run  him  through  will 
only  be  thrusting  at  the  air — with  such  an  an- 


26  fePECTRE  (tibncrfefc 

tagonist  as  him,  the  best  way,  I  think,  will  be  to 
cut  and  run 

Enter  Nicodemus,  unperccived  by  Georgian?,. 
&c. 

Nic.  Eh  !  engaged  in  secret  conversation— 
I'll  not  break  in  upon  their  privacy. —  {Aside  J 

Vaunt.  If  we  can  but  once  get  this  Mr. 
Kicodemus  under  ground,  we'll  manage  to  keep 
him  there,  if  we  heap  a  mountain  upon  him. 
i  11  teach  him  how  to  rival  me,  a  marrovvless 
rascal. 

Nic-  What's  that, they  are  saying  about  burying 
me  under  a  mountain.  I  must  hear  farther. — 
[Asidz.] 

Geo.  If  he  does  force  me  to  marry  him,  you 
must  come  at  night  captain  and  knock  him  on 
the  head. 

Vaunt     Ave,  fumigate  him. 

Nic.  Knock  me  on  the  head,  arnd  fumigate 
me  !  here's  atrocity  — [Aside] 

Gen.  Or  get  him  between  two  feather  beds 
and  smother  him. 

Nic.  Here's  a  she  devil. — What  an  escape  ? 
[Aside.] 

Geo.    Any  thing  to  get  rid  of  the  monster, 
Nic.    A  very  affectionate  wife,  upon  my 
honor. 

Vaunt.  I  m  getting  strangely  valiant,  I 
only  wish  I  could  face  this  wandering  gentle- 
man now — I'd  teach  him  how  to  r*st  at  night 
—  Damme  I  d — 

Nicodemus  [coming  forward.') 
Geo.    Ah  !  (Sercct?ns)  (Hushes  out.) 

lre,unt*    Oh  !  the  devil.  — Take  care. 

[Exit  hastily, 


Ad.  II.) 


BRIDEGROOM. 


Lav%  Shall  I  follow  their  example— No, 
why  should  I — I  never  was  afraid  of  a  man 
yet,  and  I'm  sure  I  won't  be  of  the  ghost  of  one. 
— (dsideS)  "  Angels  and  Ministers  of  Grace 
defend  me  ! — Art  thou  a  spirit  of  health, 
or  

[Vie.  I  fear  I  have  alarmed  you,  madam.— 
Twas  unintentionally,  I  trust  my  interruption 
is  not  male  i  d  r 

Lav.  No  Sir.  Tis  immiteria' — if  I'm  to 
believe  what  I'm  told — do  you  bring  any  news 
from  the  other  world  pray  ? 

JVic,  The  other  world  !  She  means  the 
new  world.  I  suppose-  -(Aside.)  I  know  of  no 
others  news  madam,  than  that  the  gj prions 
cause  of  liberty  is  making  rapid  way  there. 

La.  Hum,  that  accounts  for  his  bein^  at 
liberty  here— fyside.) 

Nic.  If  T  may  trust  the  promise  of  those 
eyes,  you  own  a  nature  kinder  than  your  cousin. 
Were  my  fate  linked  to  thine,  methinks  you 
would  not  nurse  that  fierce  exterminating  spir- 
it to  which  1  was  unwillingly  and  invisibly  o- 
bli?p  l  to  bear  witness  ere  while  in  Miss  Aid- 
win  kle. 

Lav,  I  certainly  should  not  wish  to  disturb 
your  existence  so  long  as  you  remained  harm- 
less. 

Nic  My  researches  among  beings  of  anoth- 
er world,  necessarily  keep  me  secluded  from 
this,  during  the  day  ;  but  at  night,  I  invariably 
revisit  and  mingle  with  society  Could  I  meet 
with  a  congenial  spirit  in  wedlock,  who  would 
take  a  part  in  my  supernatural  studies,  it  might 
wonderfully  change  my   nature  and  habits. 


23  SPECTRE  (Moncrieff 

Such  a  spirit  I  would  fain  hope  I  have  found  in 
you,  lovely  girl  -  (kissts  h  r  hand. 

Lav.    A  very  gallant  ghost,  upon  my  honor. 

A7ic.  But  I  must  tear  myself  away,  or  '  shall 
fee  too  late  for  the  funeral. 

Lav  Bless  me  here's  a  sudden  change — this 
is  from  gay  to  grave  with  a  witness  to  it. 
N    Nic.  Farewell,  [  regret  I  am  obliged  to  leave 
you — a    fatal    necessity. — Fleigho,  farewell. 

[hxv  Nicodemus. 

Lav.  Very  extraordinary.  If  he  is  a  ghost, 
I  don  t  see  any  difference  between  ghosts  and 
men,  for  my  part.  He  looks  like  a  man  and 
i'faith,  kisses  'ike  one  too.  Really  if  he  should 
make  me  an  offer.  I  don't  know  what  (  should 
say  to  it.  •  suppose,  he  won't  insist  upon  my 
being  a  ghostess  —No,  no,  if  he  marries  me 
hell  like  me  to  be  a  woman — and  faith  a  wo- 
man he  shall  find  me. —  [Exit.  Lavinia. 

SCENE  TIL— Refectory  of  AldwinHe  HalL 
Enter  Vauntington  and  Aldwinkle. 

Aid.  I  have  said  it  captain.  If  your  valour 
gives  ycu  stoutness  of  stomach  sufficient  to  ena- 
ble you  to  sit  up  in  the  haunted  room  all  night 
to-night — that  is  in  my  bed-room,  and  lay  this 
ghost  if  he  should  come,  you  have  my  full  per- 
mission to  marry  my  daughter 

Vaunt.  It's  a  bargain  Squire  ;  for  my  dear 
Georgiana  s  sake,  damme,  I've  spirit  enough  in 
me  to  face  ten  thousand  ghosts. 

Hdi  You  shall  have  a  bottle  of  brandy,  a 
pair  of  pistols,  Friar  Bacon,  and  Doctor  Fans- 
tus,  so  you  can't  fail. 


Act.  II.) 


BRIDEGROOM 


Vaunt.  I  only  want  a  good  heatt,  sir,  and 
that  I've  got  already. 

Aid.  I  can  tell  yon  one  thing  in  your  favor. 
He  was  to  be  buried  to  day,  so  I  don't  think 
he'll  trouble  us  any  more — I've  sent  Dickory 
to  see,  and  expect  him  back  every  moment ; 
but  away  with  you  to  your  post — it's  past  ele- 
ven already,  and  you  mus'nt  let  the  ghost  come 
and  catch  you  unprepared. 

Vauut.  Never  fear  squire.  Omnia  vincit 
amor.  [Exit  Vauntington. 

Dickory  (Without )  Tol  de  dol.de  dol  lol. 

Aid.  That's  Dickory's  voice. 
fcVar  Dickory,  (dancing  and  singing.*) 
Well,  Dickory?" 

Die  it  be  all  over  Squire.-  -He  be  earth'd 
down,  safe  enough  now,  sur.  I  did'nt  come 
away  till  I'd  seen  sexton  fill  up  every  crack 
there  were—- he'll  be  cunning  to  get  out  this 
time. 

Aid  Bravo,  egad,  I'm  so  rejoicd  that  

Tell  Thomas  to  bring  in  the  great  bowl  of 
punch  I  ordered  him  to  get  ready  :  and  d'ye 
hear,  bid  him  put  a  pint  of  brandy  additional 
into  it  We  shall  be  sure  to  lack  spirits  now 
we've  got  rid  of  the  ghosts. — "Fore  Heav'n  we  ll 
have  a  night  on't  Dickory. 

Die  Here  be  Thomas,  Squire,  and  the  punch 
too.-— Tol  de  dol,  de  dol  lol. 

Enter  Servant  with  punch. 
Aid  Put  it  down  Thomas  ;  put  it  down. 
[Servant down  the,  punch  and  retires. 
Now  Dickory,  fill  up  your  glass — (Jills)  and 
our  first  toast  shall  be  peace  to  i\Jr.  Ntcode- 
mus's  manes  — — ( drinks. j 
C2 


ao 


SPECTRE 


(Moncrieff. 


Die  WF  all  my  heart— -Here  be  peace  to 
IVlr.  Nicodemus's  remainders—  (drink*. ) 

id  Fill  up  again  Dickory.—  [Fills.]— And 
now,  I'll  give  you  -[Enta  ISicodemus  behind] 
confusion  to  all  midnight  intruders 

A<c  (unobserved-)  Zounds,  do  they  mean 
to  insult. me  ? 

Die.  [Jit ling]  Confusion  to  all  midnight  ex- 
cluders.— \_di  inks.] 

Aid.  Come,  here's  wishing  the  surgeons 
mayn't  get  hold  of  him — [goin%  to  JUL] 

Sic.  [coming  betwt  n  [hem.]  Sir ! 

[Both  run  off  hastily. 

Nic.  Zounds,  one  would  think  I  was  a  spec- 
tre, whereever  I  go  1  frighten  every  body 
away.  Surely  it  can  t  be  this  suit  of  black — no 
matter,  the  melancholy  ceremony  over.  I  have 
now  time  to  return  to  the  soft  duties  of  love  and 
my  grand  work  on  Vampiies.  1  am  somewhat 
fatigued  by  my  days  exertions,  and  shall  retire 
at  once  to  my  room,  without  disturbing  the  fa- 
mily. Thanks  to  Paul  s  assistance,  every  thing 
went  off  admirably  well.  My  poor  cousin  must 
have  been  uncommonly  gratified  in  being  buri- 
ed so  tastefully  and  comfortably. — Heigho  ! 

[Exit  Nicodemus. 

SCENE  IV.— Bed  Room  in  Mdwinkh  Hall. 

Fire  place,  tables,  chairs,  kc.  Vauntivgto>"  discovered 
sitting  at  a  table.  Brandy,  pistols,  «_anule5,  books, 
&c.  before  him.      •  • 

Vaunt,  [looking  at  his  icatch]  'Tis  very  near 
twelve — 1  don't  half  like  this  job.  I  must  take 
a  little  more  brandy. — [drinks.] — It  would  be 
no  use  firing  at  him.  he'd  no  more  mind  having 


Act.  n.) 


BRIDEGROOM. 


3. 


the  contents  of  a  pistol  in  his  body  than  if  they 
were  only  so  many  force  meat  balls  ;  I  must 
take  another  bumper. — [drinks. —  i  is  the  only 
thing  I  have  to  support  me — what  an  awful  si- 
lence— I  wish  1  could  break  it  somehow — I'll 
sing — Tol  lol  de — No,  I'm  in  no  humor  for  sing- 
ing, suppose  I  try  and  whistle,  p/10,  pher,  pher 
— [Whistles. ~]  —  Damn  it,  whistling's  ominous— 
and  besides,  and  besides,  my  throat's  so  dry 

that  i  must  take  a  little  more  brandy.— 

[drinks.] — I  can't  be  wrong— it's  a  spiritual  ser- 
vice, and  more  fit  for  the  chaplain  of  our  regi- 
men* than  me  I've  a  great  mind  to  sound  a 
retreat— but  then,  Georgiana  and  her  fortune.— 
I  ll  take  another  glass  of  brandy — [drinks] — then 
—yaw  aw  !  1  feei  growing  amazingly  sleepy, 
so  — I'll  just  finish  the  bottle— [drinks]-  -and-- 

yaw  aw  l—det'y  the  devil  and  ydw  aw  !• 

[sleeps.] 

Enter  Nicodemus 

Nic.  A  stranger  in  my  room  '  and-  Eh,  p^s 
tols  !  and— what's  here  ?— a  bottle  -  Brandy--3.a 
Vulgate  —Poor  gentleman,  he  has  mistaken  the 
way  ;  I'd  better  wake  him  and  set  him  right  — 
Sir!  sir! — [tries  to  ivake  Vauntington  ] — 
Zounds,  how  fast  he  is.  Ulloa  !  what's  your 
name  ?  — Mister,  1  11  bawl  no  more — what  shall 
I  do  ? — I  have  it — 1 11  try  if  the  report  of  one  of 
these  pistols  will  wake  him. 

[tire>  une  of  tlie  pistols-  Vauntjngton  starts  up 
in  terror — sees  Nicodemus. 

Vaunt.  The  ghost  himself,  by  all  that's  dam- 
imble.  [Exit  hastily. 

Nic.  Stop  sir — Mister — Ulloa— he's  ofT— very 
odd — what  did  he  mean  by  a  ghost  ?  I  muse 
seek  Mr.  Aldwinkle  and  obtain  an  explanation. 


SPECTRE 


^AlontrietT 


of  these  mysteries.  Oh,  that  they  would  let  me 
have  a  little  rest— Heigho  ?    [Exit  Nicodemus. 

SCENE  V.— Another  apartment  in  Aldwinkfo 
Hall. 

Enter  A  Id  winkle  and  Dickory. 
Aid.  Dickory  ■  Dickory,  they're  at  it  ding 
dong ;  I  heard  the  pist->ls  gooffjust  this  moments 
Die.  Hey,  dang  it,  here  he  be  again  ! 
Aid.  Who  ?  the  ghost ! 
Die.  Na,  only  the  Captain. 

Enter  Vauntingtou. 
Aid.    Well,  my  dear  boy,  how  have  you 
got  on  ? 

Enter  Georgian  a  and  Lavinia. 
Geo.    Ah  !  how  have  you  got  on,  I'm  dying 
to  know  ? 

Vaunt.  What  the  deuce  shall  I  say  ?  If  I 
confess  my  defeat,  I  lose  my  Georgiana.  I 
must  brazen  it  out,— [ande.~]---Oh  !  i've  had 
desperate  work  we've  been  at  it  tooth  and  nail 
for  the  last  half  hour,  but  !  think  the  business  is 
settled  now.  Firing  was  of  no  use,  one  might 
as  well  have  shot  at  the  air  ibr  all  the  wounds 
it  created,  so  i  had  at  him  with  the  Latin,  Fri- 
or  Bacon,  Doctor  Faustus.  and  Agrippa. 

Die     Ay,  he  be  a  gripper,  indeed. 

Aid.    That's  right,  i  could  have  lajd  him 
myself,  if  I  had  but  understood  Latin. 

Vaunt.    1    fumigated  him,   and  exercised 
him. 

Die.    Dang  me,  but  \  should  ha"  liked  to  ha 
seen  un  done  his  exercise. 

Aid.    Be  quiet,  Dickory,  scoundrel ! 


Act.  IT.)  BRlDLGRbOM.  '63 

Vaunt.  And  at  length  T  pressed  him  so 
hard,  that  he  took  himself  off  through  the  key- 
hole in  a  clap  of  thuntle/,  and  i  dare  say  will 
never  shew  his  face  here  again, 

Die     Na,  not  till  the  next  time. 

Kid.  My  dear  dear  boy,  you  shall  marry 
Georgianna  directly,  I  suppose  the  foolish 
phantom  thought  he  had  children  to  deal  with. 
ilntt  r  Nicodemus 

Nic.  Mr.  Aldwinkle,  what  is  the  reason 
sir  

(The  women  scream— all  exit  hasti- 
ly in  zrtal  terror 
Nic.  This  is  more  and  more  extraordinary. 
Surely  I  must  have  been  metamorphosed  un- 
known to  myself;  transmogrified  into  some 
monster,  or--  But  I  have  more  important  things 
to  occupy  my  mind,  [Aldwinkle,  Lavinia,  &c„ 
app  ar  listening.]  The  great  and  conclusive 
truth  at  which  I  have  arrived  in  my  grand 
work,  renders  my  mind  sufficiently  disengaged 
to  think  of  love.  There  is  no  doubt  that  Vam- 
pires seeK  an  union  with  mortal  beings  express- 
ly to  prolong  their  existence  on  this  earth.  I 
shall  instantly  therefore  see!  the  fair  Ald- 
winkle, and  achieve  our  marriage.  After  what 
I  have  endured,  meanwhile,  a  walk  in  the 
moonlight  will  revive  me      [Exit  Nicodemus. 

Enter  Aldwinkle,  Georgianna,  Lavinia,  Vaunt- 
ington,  and  Die  ory  creeping  in. 

Lav.  There  sir,  you  hear  what  he  said,  he 
is  a  Vampire,  and  merely  seeks  an  union  with 
my  cousin  to  prolong  his  existence, 

Geo  Oh,  s:m  sure  lil  never  marry  a  Vam- 
pire, pa ;  he'd  eat  me  up  if  I  did. 


spectre; 


(Moncrle£ 


Die-    Ah,  kill  you  wi'  kindness. 

Lai  You  see  he's  gone  into  the  garden  to 
twin*  him  fell  to  life  again  in  the  moon-beams, 
from  the  wounds  of  the  captain 

Yah  nt  Why  I  did  kill  him  half  a  dozen 
times-  certainly. 

Dio.  Dang  it,  T  did'nt  know  the  moon  were 
a  doctor  afore-  -they  be  all  mad  ( aside,) 

Aid.  What  a  persecuted  old  man  I  am— 
What's  to  be  done,  how  can  we  get  rid  of  him  ? 

Lav.  listen  to  me,  sir — Guarrantee  that 
the  Captain  shall  have  my  cousin,  and  settle  a 
small  fortune  on  me,  and  I  underta'  e  to  r.eep 
JMr.  Nicodemus  from  ever  troubling  you  at 
flight  again  ;  1  11  make  him  rest,  1  11  warrant 
him 

A  L  Do  that,  and  I'll  make  your  fortune 
*qual  to  m\  daughter's. 

Lao-  pledge  my  life  on  the  result ;  join  me 
a  few  minute.;;  hence  in  the  garden,  and  let  the 
jjerformance  of  your  promise  follow  that  of  mine, 

[Exit  Lavinia* 

Aid,  An  odd  wench,  iTaith-  1  should  nt  at 
all  wonder  if  the  jade  was  to  keep  her  word. 
Let  us  walk  slowly  on,  for  I  long  to  ascertain 
the  truth.  [Exeunt  omnes. 

SCENE  THE  LAST. 

Gardens  of  Aldwinkle  Hall,  by  Moonlight,  Nice- 
dkmus,  solus. 

Nic.  Can  it  be  possible,  that  the  moon  bpa.in- 
jng  such  cool  pure  lustre  can  entrance  men  s 
minds  to  madness — She  bathes  me  in  her  filmy 
light  like  dew,  refreshing  and  allaying— melting 


Act.  ii.)  Bridegroom.     *  $jj 

me  into  softness,  and  attuning  each  sterri 
chord  of  heart  to  love  and  harmony — Heigho  f 

Enter  Lavinia. 
By  heavens,  responsive  to  my  feellings  comes 
this  angelic  girl,  to  captivate  and  charm. 

Lav.  My  good  sir,  it  you  have  no  particular 
wish  to  be  <\nock'd  o'the  head  tor  an  evil  spirit, 
you  will  give  over  these  nightly  wanderings  ; 
hit  upon  some  decisive  method  of  proving  your- 
self an  ipso  facto  man,  and  res-t  quietly  in  your 
Led  at  night 

Nic.  How  admirably  she  will  assist  me  in 
my  learned  labors. 

Lav.  I  'ear  I  am  more  likely  to  disturb  his 
learned  labors,  than  to  assist  him  in  them. 

Nic.  An  evil  spirit— -nigh tlv  wanderings—* 
knock  me  o'the  head  A  light  begins  to  break 
in  upon  me — how  better  can  I  prove  myself  a 
man,  sweet  girl,  than  by  uniting  my  life's  fate 
with  thine. 

Lav.  Marry  me  !-— that  will  be  one  way 
certainly. 

Nic.  Thus  on  my  knees-  —(kneels. ) 

Enter  Aldwinkle,  Georgiana,  Vauntington  and 
Dickoiy. 

Aid.  He's  laid  at  last — see  he's  on  his  knees 
Pegging  for  mercy. 

Lav.  Rise,  sir,  I  know  all  you  are  going  to 
say — and  as  J've  no  very  particular  objection, 
there's  my  hand. 

Nic.  Upon  my  word— a  very  sensible  girl — * 
she  saves  one  a  world  of  trouble. 

Lav.  And  now,  sir,  (to  Aid.)  I  claim  the  per- 
formance of  your  promise. _  To  rid  your  house  €i 

Ci^tci 


S&  SPECTRE  (MoncriefT. 

4 

the  nightly  visits  of  this  terrible  being,  and  to 
ma  e  him  rest  quiet!;  as  oth^r  Christians  do, 
I  have  heroicall  resolved  to  sacrifice  myself, 
and  marr  him. 

Ad.  What,  marry  a  ghost— a  vampire — a 
spirit  ? 

A  c  I  see  it,  all,  here  has  been  a  grand  mis- 
take ;  you  have  confounded  me  with  Vti)  cousin. 

Aid.  Egad,  it  seems  we've  all  been  couzenec 
and  confounded  too — however,  I  m  heartily 
glad  things  have  turned  out  as  the*  have  ;  but 
you,  Dickon,  how  came  ou  to  take  it  into 
your  head  this  gentleman  was  a  ghost  ? 

D  C  Wh  ,  sir,  if  he  warm  a  ghost,  he  was  a 
spirit  :  and  spirits    en  often  get  into  my  head. 

Lav  I  wiil  explain  even  thing,  and  rid  you 
of  all  further  cause  of  fear  i  his  gentleman 
will  li  e  me  none  the  worse  for  having  a  fortune 
— My  cousin  will  li  e  hirrr  none  the  worse  for 
having  been  the  means  of  uniting  her  to  the 
captain  ;  and,  if  our  Friends  permit  our  hnrm* 
Jess  ghost  to  Wd&  a  few  nights  longer  for  their 
amusement,  we  shall  like  them  none  the  worse  ; 
but  receive  a  zest  to  act  with  additional  spirit 
fqr  the  future. 

[Exeunt  amnn. 


THE  END,. 


